As I sat there, I was able to remove myself and look in from the outside on the situation. My son, his vice principal/favorite coach, his favorite teacher, and myself in a cozy little lamp lit room. This is the second time in 13 years of public education that I had been pulled into school due to my son's negative choices. I didn't even really realize the extent to which he was struggling. When you're very close to someone and caught up in the fast speed of the days racing by, it isn't a natural thing to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. I sat watching as his principal/coach, a very special person in his life, stared him in the eyes. I watched her eyes well up with tears, and I saw the love in her face as I heard her say, "Please tell us...where is the happy, passionate boy that we all know and love?" My son was in a bad place, he was angry and stressed, sleep deprived from working too many night shifts, lacking commitment to his academics, and no longer involved in his passion from birth...sports. This meeting was his power circle, his life line....his gift.
Just last week I sat in a similar meeting. A student of mine is really struggling. When he does make it to class he won't do anything unless he is able to sit on the couch. If we leave to get coffee, or to go to the river, or the forest, or to bowl (and we leave a lot), he immediately swears and walks out the door...gone...there is no reasoning with him. We have recently had to stay back from exciting activities because he won't get off the couch. After a month of trying to get him to commit to my program, I had myself convinced that he should give up his spot and return when he is ready and willing to participate...for the sake of the other students. I called a power circle meeting. The only person to join our school team was an extraordinary Sto:lo youth worker who has taken this boy on because she happens to be his friend's youth worker. She started and ended the meeting with telling this boy's story. Until this moment I had not spoken with anybody involved in his life. Nobody cared enough to return my calls or make contact. I didnt realize that this is the first school experience that this boy has EVER had. I didn't realize that he wakes up in a household where nobody cares if he even wakes up at all. I didn't realize that his mother is so drug addicted that he is scared to talk to her in fear that he might connect, and then she might die and he will be heart broken. I didnt realize that he had just told this youth worker the other day that he loved my class. He loves my class. I found myself re-creating my entire program schedule to accomodate this boy. He will now come to class two days a week and I will be one hundred percent ready for his day on the couch. I will design these days around the couch because this is what success looks like for him right now...and we will go from there. A powerful change of direction.
Another boy I have had for two years now has been the center of several interesting power circles. I called a power circle when he was addicted to heroin, then another when he was addicted to crack, and another when he couldn't be in class without punching someone in the face. Most of these circles occurred in his home, and all of them focused on baby-steps to move him forward in his life. No lies, no consequences, no sugar coats....just a bunch of people who cared coming together to brainstorm achievable goals that everyone could follow through on. This boy is now a solid, committed and positive force in my classroom. The next power circle I will have for him will be to move him into the workforce...I never gave up.
This last week has tested my committment to these kids and to my program. I have always preached about the importance of student/teacher relationships. This week, the overwhelming realization that this is the whole entire thread of my program has hit me like a brick. As September ends and new kids come pouring into my class family, I am struggling to find balance. I have been working super hard to build new relationships with the students who still need to buy in, and through this process I felt like I was losing a couple who needed me more than I had had the time to give. There is one particular boy who always struggles with adjusting to the demands of school life coming back from summer vacation. He is now in his final year and we are extremely connected. I was up all night the other night because I haven't gotten him back from summer yet. This month he has come to class randomly, and just recently has had big trouble with the law. With all of these new relationships I have had to work on starting, I feel like Im losing him. On friday I texted him right before a power circle with another student. My text read, "We really need to talk". When I got out of the meeting, this boy was sitting outside of my room speaking with my assistant. He gave me a great big hug and said, "what do we need to talk about?" I was moved. He hadn't come to class all week, but as soon as I told him that we needed to talk, he dropped everything and came to see me. I really didn't have to worry, we're obviously still connected, the connection is positive, and I will succeed in getting him to attend full time very shortly...as always.
My struggle is simply that making connections with my students is hard work, and keeping these relationships solid and positive is even harder. I took a minute this week to take an outside look at what I do.....connecting. I make positive connections for a living. I can see how hard I work at this and how precious the relationships that I succeed in building are. I know that, like they do every year, all my connections will start to work together to create the full functioning family unit that I have succeeded in building seven years in a row. Im almost there.
So as I sat in my son's power circle, I took a minute to remove myself, and I was able to see the big picture. I saw my son, and I saw three very strong and influencial women cheerleading for him. My son had succeeded in making crucial positive connections that were now teaming up to help him achieve the balance and happiness that he deserves. A feeling of overwhelming pride came over me as I watched the meeting unfold. I heard my son open up, and I saw a team come together to change his current life. We developed a plan. We closed some doors on him and we opened up new ones. I already see the happy bounce back in his step.
Life is all about the power circle. Hats off to all the people who are reaching out to connect and create a positive bond with someone who needs it. True success is succeeding in creating a circle of people who will come together for you when things get tough. A circle of people who will vow to make changes in their own lives in order to help you make changes in yours. It takes a team. I now find myself asking, "Who is in my power circle?"
