Sometimes my students aren't ready to go when they reach graduation age. The flexibility of my program allows me to hold on to them until they are ready to go. Yesterday, a boy who I watched grow up, taught for four years, and held onto for an extra year, phoned me from the streets. He is now selling drugs to eat, sleeping at a bus stop, and he was reaching out to me to tell me he couldn't see anyway out...except for death. His voice held true and deep sadness, his words were heart breaking. I had tried so hard for so many years to save him, but his mental illness is his worst enemy, consuming his ability to function. As I sat listening and fighting back my tears, I wondered how a child goes through 19 years of life and the only person he can call to save him from ending his life is his teacher. So many important people who should have been there failed him. I talked him through it, I told him I loved him. Today his social worker told me I saved his life.
I saved his life.
Now that I have many students graduated I am starting to hear those words more and more. I am invited to their baby showers, birthday dinners, and family events. As my students grow older they are able to articulate to me exactly what got them through. One student said my class changed his perception of himself. He came into my program thinking he had no chance at doing anything in life, he graduated thinking he can succeed at anything. Another said their suicidal thoughts went away after only a few months of being in my class. Yet another called my classroom a bubble, and when she was in that bubble she was safe and she was happy.
This is a bubble that knows no grades, marks, or report cards. There are no desks. The only criteria for any given assigment is that all students must encourage eachother to complete every assignment that they start, all completed assignments are hung on the wall, and all wall hangings are praised. By the end of the year there is barely an inch of wall to cover and student artwork spills out of the room and into the hallways. This bubble knows only respect and positivity, and the prescribed learning outcome is love. Manditory support for eachother both inside and outside the classroom walls fosters a very tight knit family atmosphere. Family arguements are dealt with and talked out immediately. Even on the weekend, if my students are in an arguement I am immediately informed and if possible I mediate before the weekend ends. In this bubble, if a student has not had friends throughout his entire life, he does now...and not just any friends, very close ones. Report cards are positive conversations and hugs are a necessity. It is almost unheard of for me to call a meeting with a parent because of something negative. There may not be expository essays written, theorms solved,or grades passed, but this bubble teaches the true meaning of family and it will succeed in providing a model for my students to use in their homes as they grow into young adults.
My son came to my class for the day a few times when he was in middle school. He once said to me, "I dont know what it is about your room that makes me want to stay there, but whatever it is, that's the reason your students start liking school again." He couldn't quite put his finger on it, and he's right, it is near impossible to put into words what is the essence of my room. If I could catch it and stuff it in a bottle I'd make millions off of it. In 7 years of alternate room teaching there has never been a student ask to be removed from my class, and not one student has dropped out of it.
Three months ago my ex-husband lay drowning in depression within the dark confinement of his downtown apartment. He succeeded in defeating his addiction a year and a half ago and was now sad, lost and miserable. I was visiting him often and assessing his mental health. With each visit I would brace myself for the worst, I honestly thought he was going to kill himself. Then I asked myself, "What the hell am I doing?" How can I sit back and watch the father of my children drown in a sess pool of negativity and darkness while I run around saving everyone else from this same devastation? So I moved him in with me and built him a bubble. I watched in awe over the last two months as his whole entire being changed. His depression is lifted, his sparkle is back...he is alive again. His level of functioning is the highest I have ever seen it. I know for sure, with every ounce of my existence, that this is why I am here. The passion inside me is extreme and almost unexplainable. I build bubbles, I teach love, and in doing so...I save lives.
