I stand at the front of the classroom and watch as my students simultaneously melt down. I am teaching basic math skills. One girl stares at me blank faced, a boy starts drawing bubbles on his whiteboard, another starts playing with tools. Two boys start to argue, another boy puts his forehead into the desk. The boy that was playing with the tools swears loudly and storms out of the room. A girl attempts to give me an answer then yells at the boys, another boy turns on some rap music....he closes his eyes...I close my eyes. Once again, the students that I love with all my heart are turned against me in defiance against learning academic material. I have been taught, through the system, that I must teach academics or I do not have a properly functioning classroom. I would argue that it is the academics that is the only thing sabotaging my very close, rich and loving learning environment.
Since day one of my program I have been overwhelmed with the idea of individualization. How do I embrace each student's needs and develop individual programs while still planning my day and running a classroom? I planned and I re-planned...I scheduled and I researched. Then I realized it isn't about planning at all. Individualization is actually not plannable. I have focused for four months on knowing each student inside and out. I know where they've come from, I know where they are, and I have plans for how to get them to where they need to be. I now start planning my day the second the first student walks through my door in the morning. I know their interests and I know how to move them forward. My spontaneous day plan is based on who is in the room by 9:30am...and I roll with the punches.
The result of my new found individualization is a very successful student driven classroom. I am the motivator and the positive speaker...I hold the means to get the job done. I never shut down an idea. I embrace the moment, and I make their ideas come to life...even if they didnt even know that they had an idea in the first place. A student mentions that he wants to build a nitrate remote control car, and we're at the hobby shop within the hour buying car parts to make it happen. Another student wants to paint his bike, within hours we have spray paint and the whole class is 'expertly' spray painting bikes and classroom furniture . Non-artists are all of a sudden lost in the world of canvas painting and graviti art. A boy who can't read, yet can build a bike that runs on a gas engine, is now fixing broken bikes in the classroom. Another boy succeeded at getting his learners license, while the class cheered him on. Some students literally 'do nothing', but they're happy for the first time in their whole school career. Their need to acheive socialization and feel the warmth of a 'family' has been met, and if thats enough for them, then thats enough for me. Acceptance is key. Success is key. Baby steps.
Last week I was out playing hacky sack in the smoke pit during break and one of my student's drove up. She motioned me to come over. I couldnt read the expression on her face until I was almost at the window. I saw the corners of her mouth start to curl, and her eyes were sparkling....she got in! I screamed very loudly, and everyone in the smoke pit turned to see what all the commotion is about. We hugged and she wiped tears from her eyes, my extreme happiness definitely caught her off guard. She just nailed an interview to get into a local university program called TASK...which will latter her into the workforce. Four short months ago, she saw this program as something that was way out of her comfort zone and completely unacheivable. I remember she laughed at me when I mentioned it. Now she sees the skies as her limit.
As a class we have been perfecting and handing out resumes for a couple of weeks. Two boys have landed jobs and have started working. Another boy, the one who has been building and painting our classroom nitrate car, begins his work experience doing auto detailing in an autoshop next week. Another is set up with a summer job playing sports with the aboriginal youth in our community. I have only two students without concrete plans for after graduation. However, their mindsets are now goal oriented and focused. One boy who I have been working with for five years has always been dead set, for as long as I've known him, on selling drugs with his brother after grad. Now, he has his SIN card and is planning, and activiely applying for jobs in construction. I tear up every time I think about it...it really is so incredibly huge...breaking the cycle.
These once floundering, socially outcasted, 'societal write-offs' are now changing their destinies. It just took someone to accept, listen, believe in, encourage and materialize their ideas. Funny, it actually isnt about mainstreaming or academics at all. I just hope there is enough kleenex at graduation because I have fallen head over heals for these amazing, strong and complicated children. Its letting them go that is going to be the difficult part.
